


Teufort Tale

by MysteriousMik



Series: Teufort Tale [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crossover, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mild Language, Other, Post-Pacifist Route, Undertale Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6357427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousMik/pseuds/MysteriousMik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legends say those who climb Mt. Ebott never return… After the caretaker of the Teufort orphanage decides to take her children on a field trip to Mt. Ebott, she finds out one of her children has gone missing. People had warned her not to take the children there but she refused to believe such silly myths like monsters and magic. When no one is brave enough to help search the mountain for the lost child, as a last ditch effort, she calls on the most hated people in all of the area to assist her. She expected to need to pay a large sum for their services (that she didn’t have) but the nice girl on the phone promised she would be taken care of without worry. Now a team of 9 Mercenaries are on the lookout for a small child in a striped sweater last seen on Mt. Ebott…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mission

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at any sort of fan fiction. Constructive criticism is appreciated. This chapter is an intro chapter so it is much shorter than I think future chapters will be. You can check out concept art and 'work progress' at teuforttale.tumblr.com 
> 
> If you want to try to figure out what Pyro is saying, put your hand over your mouth and say their lines. Otherwise read the notes at the end :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is ready for a vacation, but their time off is delayed when the Administrator gives them a new assignment.

Scout held his head in his hands staring idly at his plate of poorly scraped together pancakes. The char black bacon and sunny side up (more like sun burned out) eggs made a smiley face in the glob of overcooked batter. Soldier insisted to cook in attempt to raise the team's spirits “With a hardy American home style meal”. All of RED team were licking their wounds from yesterday's shameful defeat. The BLU’s dominated almost every member of the team. Engi couldn't get his sentry to level 3 the entire match and Medic couldn't build an Uber without being blown to bits or shot in the head by an unseen Sniper. Even after all that, both teams were happy it was the start of their vacation. As being full time employees for RED and BLU, the companies were required to give vacation to the mercenaries. However, since all teams and members were needed to be present for “work” to commence, the month of time was grouped together in July on a take it or leave it basis. Some years team members would go home and visit family. Other years they stayed in New Mexico just appreciating a day where they don't have to worry whether or not they'll revive after their heads are sliced from their necks.

In the mess hall, Engi was reading the weekly paper from town in his most comfortable red button down shirt and pants. With the lack of action and lack of editors in the town, the paper was short and full of misspellings and typos. Two stories in particular caught his attention. One was the front page article titled “Mercenary Scum Go Free” with the subheading “Is hanging illegal?”. The second article was a missing person report with a photo attached to it. The person was a child from the local orphanage. The kid wore a striped sweater and had brown hair. It was hard to tell if the kid was a boy or girl. There was no gender specified.

“Last seen the 15th. Heck that was a week ago! Why was this published now?” Engi recoiled with disgust that someone waited a week before informing the public about a LOST CHILD! He rubbed the sleep from his eyes then ran his hand back to the top of his bald head all the way down to his neck. ‘Well, I guess no one reads the paper in the town anyways…’ he thought.

“Who was last seen?” Scout looked up from the blackened remains on his plate he'd been playing with. When he flicked an egg a little too hard, a small cloud of ash plumed, leaving soot on his Boston Red Sox pajama pants and baggy red night shirt. 

“Some lil’ orphan. Poor kid. Got lost on a hikin’ trip to the mountain.” Engi huffed a sigh.

“Why tha’ bloody hell who’d take thos’ wens up to those God forsaken hills?” Demo inquired taking another swig from his morning bottle o’ scrumpy. He wiped his mouth from the back of his hand to his sleeve then onto his night shorts. “Ya kno’ what them old tales sa-”

“Oh stop it with that mumbo-jumbo! Just a bunch of stories hippies made up to keeps us from tearing down those trees up there.” Soldier took another bite of his eggs. They made a crunch sound as he chewed. The shells were not only still in the scrambled mess, but he managed to burn them somehow as well. His once white muscle shirt now had more ash than Pyro wore after a usual work day.

“ ‘Is a nature reserve ya numbskull. Has been for years now. There’s nothin’ you can do ta change that.” Sniper went back to nursing his coffee. He’d given up on Soldiers ability to cook. Usually Sniper ate in his van anyways, but felt like hitting the showers early then getting into some casual wear. A basic RED issued t shirt and jeans. His hat was always a must.

Soldier tilted the brim of his helmet just above his eyes for a moment to look at Sniper. (Why did he never take that thing off?) “Well that doesn’t stop you from hunting there now does it?!” 

Sniper chuckled, a low raspy sound emitting from his throat, “Ah well, long ‘s I don’t get caught ‘s all.”

“The POINT-” Engi coughs, clearing his throat. “The point is this kid has been out there a week and ain’t no one seems to have found ‘em yet.”

Soldier raises a fist and pounds over his heart. “If they come back alive they come back a man.” Then downed his coffee in one go. (He will never admit his cooking tasted like dog crap.)

“We’re talkin’ ‘bout a child here Soldier...”

“Yea yeah it’s all talk from you’s guys but what’cha goin’ do ‘bout it?” Scout seemed annoyed at all of the boisterous comments from Soldier this morning. They were giving him a headache.

“It is not what ze Laborer will do but what we will all be doing.”

Scout nearly pissed himself as Spy appeared behind him from nowhere. As usual, he wore his everyday red suit and balaclava. In his gloved left hand he held a file. In his right, his cigarette was burning. It was almost half gone already. What was he doing up so early?

“Gentlemen, we have a new contract to fulfill.” He placed the manila folder file in the center of the mess known as the dining table. 

“But is vacation time now, no?” Heavy brushed the crumbs from his shirt and pulled another sandvich from the fridge. He sat next to medic who was still in his nightgown filling out mid year health reports.

“Ze Administrator thought we could ‘andle zis fairly quickly.” On top of the file he placed the missing child poster. “ And ‘as promised a small bonus to each of you.”

Pyro stopped doodling Balloonicorns on Engis old blueprints to look at the picture. They pointed at it, “FERREE CUCH!” (*1) and started doodling again. They still were wearing that damn flame retardant suit.

“Und how exactly does the Administrator expect us all to look for zat kind? Ze mountain is enormous and I myself am not a hunter like a certain Sniper over zere.” Medic was definitely annoyed his vacation time was being cut into.

“Manquer Administrator assured she needs every one of us. If l’enfant is injured is it not best to administer medical attention right away?” Spy took a puff from the cigarette. Medic couldn’t find a better argument and just grumbled before going silent. 

“But wot aboot me? Why de I need ta be there? I’m no medic or trackin’ dog either.”

“Let us say debris ‘as blocked a potential cave zey could be in. We need a demolitions expert to safely open ze way without injury to ze team or anyone trapped inside.”

“‘Aight. So I can see why Snipes and I’d be there, our skills being about searchin’ ‘an all. And the Doc, yeah, he should go. But Pyro? Come on, no offense firebug, but Pyro would probs’ burn dat forest down to find the kid. We’d find ‘em ‘aight, when der skeleton is da only white thing in the black ash left ova.” The other mercs looked around at each other in silent agreement. 

“Who else here can relate to a child on a mental level?” Spy looked expectantly for an answer. A murmur was broken by Scout.

“Yeah well I got seven bro-”

“AND knows American Sign Language.”

A silence filled the room for a moment as realization hit them. Engineer was the first to speak up.

“Pyro? You… know sign language?”

Pyro raised their right fist and began to move it up and down by the wrist while nodding.

“Do we ‘ave any more of zese questions I did not ask for.” Spy took a long drag from his cigarette before resting it in the ashtray with the corpses of its dead brothers. He leaned one hand on the table letting his weight shift to a more comfortable position.

“Yeah I got one.” 

Spy turned his attention to Sniper who took his hat off to scratch his head.

“If I can’t track this kid, as it seems like you’re all expectin’ me to, how else ah we gonna find ‘em. Can’t expect us to be shoutin’ their name if they’re bloody deaf.”

“Zat is of no issue. Zey can hear fine, but zeir speech is impaired. Verbal dyspraxia. Care to explain Doctor?”

“Oh!” Medic brightened up a bit. “Verbal dyspraxia is vhen ze brain has trouble coordinating ze necessary movements for speech. Speaking is possible, but it is sometimes very hard to understand. Basically, it can sound like baby talk. Verbal dyspraxia can’t be cured but rehabilitation and time can help.” A smirk appeared across his face. He was so proud of how smart he was. Heavy giggled under his breath at Medics sudden cheeriness. 

“So this boy’s lost out in the woods… And he can’t speak… and we’re gonna go look for him?” Soldier was throwing out the burned food and the charred bits of the cooking pan. When the pan didn’t fit in the trash bin he used his shovel he’d been carrying on him to force them inside. The pan bent and cracked the plastic garbage bin. Engi made a mental note to get a new one.

“Zey.”

“They? There’s multiple?”

“Non, ze child ‘as no specified gender. Zey could be a boy, or a girl, or neither,”

Soldier looked up in a panic “NEITHER? DO YOU MEAN WE MAY HAVE ANOTHER ALIEN SPECIES?” He came back to the table slamming the head of his shovel down next to Demo, now very intrigued about the topic at hand. “WE WERE LUCKY WE WERE ABLE TO MAKE THE LAST ONES DRUNK BUT WHAT IF THEY LEARNED? WHAT IF THEY BUILT AN ALCOHOL TOLERANCE TO RIVAL DEMO’S?” He shouted, slapping Demo hard on the back causing him to choke and sputter on the drink he was taking.

“Non non, eugh.” Spy sighed a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before picking up his cigarette again and taking a drag. “I shouldn’t ‘ave expected you to understand. Nevermind”

“Is like being both, but neither. If the malyutka wants to be girl, they are girl. If they want to be boy, they are boy. If they don’t want to be boy or girl, they are themself. Is hard to explain in english.” The language barrier was something Heavy always struggled with.

“No sir, there’s boys, and there’s girls. There’s no ‘mystery flavor’ or anything. Boys like girls and girls like boys. Plain and simple.” Crossing his arms he puffed out his chest like he was trying to assert some sort of dominance.

“In short mien ignorant freund gender isn’t always directly connected to ze genitalia zat a person vas born vith. Und your second statement is false.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Mon dieu… It’s ok Soldier ze only thing you need to know is zat American youth seem to better understand zis concept. Zey are making America a better place by trying to not become ignorant fools.” Like yourself Spy added under his breath.

“Nobody here’s a fool and America’s a great place. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is this something to do with those damn ‘homo-sexuals’?” The mercs tensed, Medic and Heavy seemingly more so. 

“Soldier we are done. We must go back to discussing zis contract, s’il vous plait.” Spy pulled a new cigarette from his case. He burned up the one he was smoking to try to restrain himself from stabbing Soldier in the back then going to lock the respawn exit door. 

“In 3 hours we are scheduled to meet with ze lead park ranger to ‘opefully find more information on where the orphans went on zeir hike. Zis should give us a good starting point for a search.” Spy grabbed the folder and passed out the mission reports. 

“Oh and Gentleman, I want zis to be over with soon, but ze trip ze children went on was a 3 hour tour. Be prepared to be zere much longer.”

“Herr Spy, vhy is there a recommended veapons list for this mission?”

Each merc flipped to the last page of their log reading the weapon list. Everyone looked… concerned… 

“Yeah I didn’t think this was gonna be a fight. Why da I need ta bring the Scattergun?”

“And I don’t know what I need to be bringing a field teleporter for. I’ve never tested the range on those things. I was lucky to set up a permanent one from here to town but that was weeks of work.”

“Recommend I bring Tomislav? Machine gun is not good to carry for a search mission.”

“Is there somethin’ you’re not tellin’ us Spy…” Engi leaned forward closing his hands together resting them on the mission report. His gaze was fixed, unmoving on Spy.

“Non. Everything you need to know is in ze log.” Spy turned on heel and walked towards the mess hall exit. “Every log I ‘ave given you ‘as a recommended weapons’ list. However, Demo and Medic ‘ave required gear.”

Spy began opening the door and stopped. “Everyone will meet at ze garage in 2 hours. We cannot take ze teleporters to Ebott so we will be taking ze automobiles.” 

And with that, he left, leaving the team to prepare. Scout got up and quietly disposed of his breakfast and grabbed a BONK! before Soldier could notice he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-----What Is Pyro Saying?-----  
> (1) "Very cute!"


	2. Mountain Trail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has received their mission and are ready to begin the search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda small and more of a transition into the main story. You probably won't meet the Undertale cast before chapter 4 at least so you're gonna have to bear with me! I've been real busy with classes and all but I felt I needed to post something to let you all know I haven't forgotten about this!

11:00am Park Ranger Sentry Station: Base of Mt. Ebott

-

“So uh yeah. The lady side they stopped here, ‘bout 500 meters from the peak. Said it was pretty open ‘n had a nice view.” The park ranger pointed to and circled a spot on an old mountain trail map with a red marker.  
“They ate, then they left. That was when she last saw Frisk. I'm sorry this maps a little uh… LOT old. No one's really bothered to update it since…” He looked at the date printed on the bottom right corner of the map. “1854? That… Doesn't seem right. Ah, well. The trails haven't changed that much...” The ranger then proceeded to pass out maps and compasses (which were in overstock due to lack of visitors) to each mercenarie. He gave climbing equipment to Demo (he’s required to wear safety gear if he plans on doing any “excavations in the cave systems” as he called it) a flare gun to Sniper, Scout and Demo and a variety of flashlights and walkie talkies to everyone. 

“Merci. You say zat you will be with Engineer in the campus center most of ze evening no?” Spy confirmed.

“Yup. I gotta go at sundown though. The wife's expecting me home. You guys have full access to the grounds after dark so don't worry 'bout it. There's a spare key to get in the center under the welcome mat too if you need it.”

“Awesome, an’ eh… we don’t gots ta worry ‘bout any like… bears or anythin’ right?” Scout added.

The ranger laughed. “Yeah well, the only monsters ‘round here are UNDER the mountain!” He chuckled shaking his head and putting his hands on his hips.. “Nah nothin’ big should be here. Don’t worry too much.”

“Under?” Both Soldier and Pyro cocked their heads to the side, and Solly tipped his sun visor back to see the ranger better (does he know how to wear a hat?!).

“Heh heh don’t worry it’s all folk lore stuff. Just a bunch of stories people made up to keep kids from comin’ up here and gettin’ lost. Doesn’t work all the time it seems…”

-

The group was split into 2 teams. Sniper, Demo, Medic and Heavy would be team A. This team would be responsible for tracking any leads or trails that they might find. Scout, Soldier, Pyro and Spy would be team B. This team was responsible for scouting ahead of Team A to make sure the direction they're headed is safe as well as to see if there are any obvious indications of Frisks whereabouts. Engineer was stationed at the campus center with a radio, walkie talkie, some surveillance camera feeds, a mini cooler with water and beer, and a two way teleporter exit. Heavy was carrying the entrance with him to make the return trip faster for the team. 

At about 12:30pm , Team A and B had made it to Frisk’s last known location. They decided if the teams were to split up for some reason, this would be their regroup point. The view was nice… if you were looking at the sky… The ground was loitered with paper lunch bags, plastic zip locks filled with food remains, BONK! cans, water bottles, take out boxes and food wrappers. There was even still an uneaten sandwich, now emitting vile fumes from the heat. It was no wonder that no one had respect to clean up after themselves, seeing the small town of Teufort in the distance had a garbage dump in the center of it. Spy shuttered at such a filthy sight. 

“This reminds you of home, doesn’t it frog? Eh heh heh heh!” Soldier kicked an empty can of BONK! with enough force to accidentally hit Scout in the back of the head. 

“Non. It reminds me zat I am very far from home.” Spy’s cigarette he lit earlier was almost totally ash. Instead of flicking it away as he normally would, he extracted his cigarette case and took a new one out, leaving the old in its place. 

Demo took a swig of “water” from his flask. “So where are we gon’ ta start lookin’?” 

“Here.” Sniper was prowling through some overgrowth along the edge of the clearing. He picked at some dirt and stood up. “This way.”

“Was fast. How are you so sure?” Heavy looked up from where he and Medic had been sitting looking at the map. 

“Heh you might be standing in a, vhat I think you vould call it, an outhouse?” Medic snickered and Heavy laughed slapping Medic on his back causing him to lurch forward. Medic adjusted his glasses. “What outhouse I don't see an ou- oh. Eh heh heh heh! I get it!” Soldier was holding Scouts head as Scout swung his arms wildly trying to make contact with Soldiers gut. Scout ended up pulling out his bat and hit Soldier right in the stomach. Soldier stopped laughing and keeled over.

“Nah. These here tracks keep goin’ up. Way too far for a piss break.” Sniper pointed toward the mountain peek.

Scout let out an exasperated sigh “Aw Christ all the way up? We been walkin’ for hours now gimme a break.”

“Nope. We keep goin’. Faster we find tha’ ankle biter tha’ faster we go home.”

“Hudd ehy tuhell engee?” (1) Pyro held the walkie talkie up for everyone to see.

“Sure mumbles, but oi think one of us should talk ‘less you plan on taking that mask off.”

“NUUUU!” (2) Pyro chucked the talkie at Sniper with a surprising amount of force before reaching up to their mask and burying it into their gloved hands, mumbling.

Sniper held the talkie to his mouth and clicked the button, “Hey Truckie. Ya read me?” Static crackled back through the speaker. “Yeah… Loud and…” the static increased in pitch suddenly then stopped. It beeped indicating a finished transmission then started popping again. “... As clear as it (static) can be…” the speaker beeped again.

“Okay. We're headed north-west up from the camp site. You got any eyes up that way?” Beep.

Static. “North-west? That'll... e a no. Ther- (pop) only a few cam…(click click) -the trails n’ ranger stations.” Beep.

“Okay. Guess we’ll check in every so often. Over n’ out.” Beep.

“Ov- out!” Beep.

Sniper tossed the talkie back to Pyro. Pointing up the mountainside sniper turned to the team “Let's go. Scout, this way.” 

“What? Oh come on.” 

“Eh come on son. You're a SCOUT! Some boy’s lost out in the woods somewhere and NEEDS YOU right now! So get off your ass and do your job!” Soldiers not usually one for effective pep talks but Scout couldn't find a counter argument.

With that the team gathered their belongings and one by one began to follow the trail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-----What’s Pyro Saying?-----  
> (1) “Should I tell engie?”  
> (2) “NOOOO!”(I thought it was self explanatory but eh)


	3. Barrier Creek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So close yet so far. The team thinks they hit a dead end in their search, figuratively and literally, and need a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited! More setting up characters and plot in this. Mentioning magic and some not-so-friendly wizards you might know of. The REAL story you've been waiting for kicks in at chapter 4! This is a little longer than the previous chapter. I was originally trying to combine this chapter with chapter 2 but I felt like it stretched it out too much. Please enjoy! As always constructive criticism is appreciated!

A few broken branches, some disturbed plant life and dirt tracks were the only leads the team had. A few times Scout led them astray accidentally following an animal trail, but Sniper got them back on track quickly. Scout eventually got the hang of telling the difference between an animal and human trail speeding up the search. Another good hour and a half went by and the team called for a break in a nearby clearing . At this point Scout was nagging Soldier to get off his ass and move. He was “On a roll here” he stated, claiming “We can be outa here before sundown I know we're close!” When he finally sat down, his snack break consisted of an apple, a granola bar, a bag of chips and (to everyone's dismay) a can of BONK! The last thing that kid needed was a can of radioactive pop. He was about to discard his scraps on the ground when a cough from Spy came from behind him. He huffed before putting his trash back in his bag, only disposing the apple core into the forest. There was little talking with everyone being nearly exhausted. Their normal jobs were tiring enough but the rounds only lasted an hour or two at most on a good day. It was already 2:30 and the sun still beat down hard through the thick overgrowth of the trees. Demo was slightly drunk from only bringing alcohol with him. Medic offered him water but he refused. He said “a lil’ drink” wouldn't affect his ability to work. Pyro drank water through a straw that went under their mask and it was a mystery as to how both Pyro and Spy didn't die from constantly wearing suits (flame retardant or not) in this heat. Sniper checked in with Engi to see how he was doing and if he's seen anything. To what he could pick up in between the static, Engi complained he was almost out of beer and there was no sign of Frisk over the surveillance feeds.

Just before 3:00 they were back on track. Scout was far ahead of both Team A and B. The trail didn’t go straight up the mountain, no. This kid HAD to make it difficult. The paths went zigzag through the forest, over creeks and fallen trees practically around to the opposite face of the mountain. It was a whole hour before their lead came to a… hole…?

“Vhat za hell iz zis?” Medic dared to get closer when Heavy pulled him back by the collar of his shirt. 

They had made it to the other side of the mountain only a short distance from the peak. A dirt clearing led to an open cave. The sunlight shone through at just the right angle revealing the sudden steep drop to oblivion. 

 

 

The tracks went right in.

 

A few foot prints and a large scuff mark near the edge. Looks like the kid slipped.

 

“Well shit.” No one knew what to do at first. Did the kid really fall in? How deep was the hole? Are they even alive? Could we get them out? 

“HELLOOOO!!” Soldier called into the hole. His voice only reverberated back at him or a few seconds before the sound faded. “ANYBODY DOWN THERE?!” 

No response.

Soldier picked up and threw a large rock into the hole and started counting.

“10, 11, 12...”

No sound.

“34, 35, 36, uh was it supposed to make a noise? Did you hear anything? I thought it was supposed to hit the ground at 10 seconds or so…”

“Pyro, use flare.” Heavy said. Sniper handed the flare gun to Pyro. Usually a flare would be dropped into a hole to get a better feel for the depth of the chasm, not shot into it. However as the hole was partially lit, it was obvious a normal human would NOT be able to survive a fall of that magnitude, without a good deal of luck or magic that is. If the kid was lucky you’d think they wouldn’t have fallen in the first place, and no one saw Murasmus on the way up here either. So much for magic. 

Pyro cautiously made their way to the edge of the hole, as well as the rest of the team. A pop followed by a whistling sound, the flare was shot and a bright red light illuminated the pit from the center. The flare fell and fell until it was a small speck then went out. Pyro fired another shot. This time it also went out but it… sparked? A faulty cap maybe? They tried again. The same thing happened. When the flare got deep enough into the hole it seemed to… what would be a way to describe this they thought. 

“Pyro are the flares glitchin’ out what’s it doin’?” 

Glitch. That’s what the flares did. Went they fell far enough the flare broke apart into what looked like pixels. It wasn’t a normal sight. The action was sudden. The flare faded to a small spark then “glitched” across the width of the hole creating a shower of white and red pixels like light. Pyro simply shrugged at Scout unsure themselves what was happening.

“Oh dear. Tha' poor thing. Looks like tha’ search is over. I hope that lassy who runs the orphanage takes the news well.” Demo raised his flask over the hole and bowed his head before taking a drink. Soldier removed his visor. 

“Gah I was really hopin’ this wasn’t gonna turn into a search for a body.” Sniper too removed his hat and scratched at his skull. “The little bugger didn’t deserve that.” 

“We can’t go back empty handed can we? I mean they’re gonna probably want a body if we can get it.” Scout peered down into the hole again. 

“And how do you suppose we do that? If I had my B.A.S.E. Jumper I could probably get down there but how would I get back up? Rocket jumping can only go so far and we’ve got no idea how far down that goes!” Soldier threw another rock into the hole and started counting again. Everyone else backed up and stood together in the clearing.

“Don’t caves like... have exits? Can’t we go in the other end? This map’s got some caves on it.” Scout pulled out his map showing the team, pointing to some spots labeled “Scavengers Way: Enter”, “Scavengers Way: Exit”, “Gravel Grotto: Enter” “Gravel Grotto: Exit.”

“Zis map iz of ze opposite face. We are somewhere over 'ere.” Spy pointed to a patch of forest on the edge of the western part of the map. “Zere are no trails or labeled systems. Unless Sniper or anyone else can propose a solid plan, we will ‘ave to report l'enfant is most likely dead.” 

Sniper groaned in annoyance and a bit of stress. He’d never been so heavily relied on for anything the team did before, let alone attempt to SAVE anyone. His job was to KILL people. It was nerve wracking! He felt so good being the one the team looked up to today and not just a support member, or coward, or camper, or squatter, or “dirty bushman”. It was his time to shine! Heck if he brought anything back he might get recognition from his team or even the Administrator! All this pressure but maybe they could all just…

Sniper pulled his map and compass from his vest laying them together on the ground. 

“So we’re ‘ere.” He pointed to the map “and the cave’s ‘bout ‘ere. It looks like it goes straight down. Oi don’t think this rock was volcanic so that probably wasn’t a pipe or a branch pipe. It had ta ‘ave been made with water. Probably a natural well.” Sniper took out the red marker the ranger gave him and started drawing. “Let’s say tha’ well goes down like this. There’s probably a pool at the bottom. If we can find a stream or water source around this area,” he draws an arrow pointing to a spot that’s not actually visible on the map, but is a good reference, “we could find out if there’s another way in.” Sniper was quite proud of himself as the team processed his plan. 

“Do ve know of ze creeks and streams around zere?” Medic studied his own map with Heavy. 

“Not offhand no, but Truckie might have info.”

The walkie talkie signal was getting weaker but they learned of two creeks by the area they planned to go to called “Winding Creek” and “Barrier Creek”. A larger map back at the sentry station showed creeks and other natural formations. Engi also mentioned a crossed out area near that part of the map labeled “DANGER: STAFF AND CIVILIANS PROHIBITED. DO NOT CROSS ‘BARRIER CREEK’.” Maybe it was a military site they thought. The warning was much like the ones outside of their work spaces keeping civilians from seeing them gib each other on a daily basis. 

The plan was simple. The team would head North around the mountain parallel to the location of the creek, then walk down the mountain from a point above the start of the creek. They could survey that area from the top down. It was 4:30 now and the sun would be setting in about 4 hours. Normally a search party might have stopped there and head home but since they have a teleporter to mark their last location, the team could work till sundown no problem.

The walk was MUCH longer than expected. It’s 6:00 pm and they finally arrive where they wanted to be. This point was some way above Barrier Creek and it was likely they were in the prohibited zone. It didn’t matter much anyways. The sun was descending slowly over the horizon. Twilight would be upon them soon. As they began to descend the face, a strange road caught their attention. A dirt and gravel path stretched north to south with no indication of where it started or ended. A quick check in with the engineer didn’t help either. Was this something to do with the DANGER zone? Maybe, but it was still very strange to say the least. The path looked old and overgrown made with a mix of stone, dirt, and gravel. There were no human tracks here so it wasn’t very helpful to their cause. It was a waste of time really.

“HEY GUYS! COME CHECK THIS OUT!” Scout called to the team waving from a southern end of the road. The team rushed over.

“Did ya find something?” Asked Demo.

“Yeah! Look at that!” Scout pointed to the horizon.

The scenery was beautiful. The sun was lighting the sky and the tops of the rolling hills and mountains’ trees with a warm golden glow. The sun looked like it was positioned between another mountain and a grand stone castle with high towers and orate decoration. The setting looked like a Bob Ross painting.

“You called us all the way over for this? I go to that castle almost every day. It’s nothing new…” Soldier ignored the scene and looked back at his map upside down before realizing and flipping it back rightside up.

“Wait what? Is that that damn Mer-ASS-mus’ castle?!” Oh no, they thought, not THIS guy again. They all groaned when they thought of last time they crossed paths. The team had to fight Demo’s demon eyeball, ended up running into the ghost of Zepheniah Mann, fought the Horseless Headless Horsemann, turned into zombies, and fought undead skeletons! (Not necessarily in that order) Maybe that was what the DANGER warning was about. Maybe they had run into Merasmus territory. Oh.

“Do ya think maybe tha’ warning ‘bout danger was ta keep people from bothering that old hag? What if ‘e put up a security perimeter or somethin’.” Sniper looked to Soldier for answers. 

“Eh he had something a while ago. I think he called them minions?” Soldier closed his map after adding a crude drawing of Merasmus’ castle to it on the top right corner with a pen. “They kept watch over the perimeter. I don’t think we’re that close though. I don’t see any-” 

 

 

Thump. Thump. Thump.

 

 

The earth shook slightly. Someone- or something- was approaching. Fast.

 

 

Thump Thump THUMP THUMP.

 

 

The steps, as they seemed to be, got closer. A slight panic overcame the team as they searched for the source of the noise. A loud crunch sound was now added to each thump. Whatever it was, it was on the road. They all looked to the southernmost end of the path. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the distance, tall and clad in white armor and a red cape, running at them practically full speed... 

 

 

 

 

 

was a skeleton.


	4. Meet the Monsters!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skeletons, fish, and lizards, oh my! The chapter you've been waiting for! The team runs into (or should I say get ran into by) a group of unfamiliar creatures that are quite sans-ational to say the least!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long! Finals are near and there's been a lot going on! As always, I hope you enjoy!

Scout turned to the team blinking a few times and shaking his head “IS ANYBODY ELSE SEEIN’ THAT? DON’T TELL ME I’M ACTUALLY SEEIN’ THAT!” He turned back to the rapidly approaching monster.

“I won’t tell you you're seeing it but I can tell you I am!” Soldier pulled his trusty shovel from his pack.

Everyone took out (or made do with makeshift) weapons. Bats, flare guns, shovels, bottles, fists, needles and knives were at the ready.

“Do you have any idea vhat veapons zis thing has? Attacks? Veaknesses?” Medic held a long syringe forward like a sword not really sure how to use it for a weapon.

“Oh hell if I know! Bones? Swords? Bone swords?!”

“Uh… Hey guys… Is it shouting at us?”

Refocusing their attention the monster could be seen clearly now. The white armor over their rib cage had broad shoulders and gave the already huge monster extra width. The armor left the spine exposed. The legwear was… Interesting… A pair of what resembled blue superhero underwear with a yellow belt sat on their hip bones. Red gloves, red boots, and a flowing red cape gave the outfit a sense of coordination (for what little it had).

The skeleton was waving? One arm over its head moving its jaw shouting words not clearly deciphered from the distance. They could hear “HUMAN!” And “FRIEND” and something about spaghetti? What kind of minion was this?

“When it gets closer, I suggest we attack at once. As zere is only one of zem ‘ere, ze faster we kill it ze faster we can escape.” Spy clicked a button on his wrist watch, activating his cloaking device and was gone.

“Get ready!”

 

Close, closer, yet closer…

  


It stopped.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“WOO! IF I HAD LUNGS THEY WOULD BE BURNING RIGHT NOW! OH MY APOLOGIES I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF! I AM THE GRE-”

“ATTAAAAAACK!” Soldier ran forward swinging his shovel full force with both arms trying to make contact with the skeletons skull. It jumped to the side and brought its hands up, shielding itself.

“HUMAN I MEAN NO-”

“BATTA SWING!” Scout used Soldier's head as leverage to propel himself up above the monster and attempt to strike it downwards. This time a bone appeared suddenly in the air over the monster causing the bat to collide with it losing much of the force behind the blow. The bone shattered to pieces.

“HUMANS PLEASE I JUST-”

A sudden flash of light passed by its spinal column. It looked down in surprise then back up at the one who fired the shot. Pyro shrugged and reloaded the flare gun. Heavy, Medic, Demo and Sniper made a group effort to attack from all sides but the skeleton spread its arms out.

“STOP!”

Blue glowing bones created tall fences around each team member. When made contact with, the bones gave a hearty zap. The team was trapped, at the mercy of some monster. This was supposed to be a search and rescue mission not a boss battle.

“IT SEEMS I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. NOW, AS I WAS SAYING, I MEAN NO HARM. I HAVE COME TO MAKE FRIENDS!”

Everyone was quiet. They didn't want to bring attention to the light shimmering behind the creature.

“THE BARRIER WAS BROKEN THANKS TO MY FRIEND AND NOW WE CAN LIVE ON THE SURFACE TOGETHER!”

Spy was in full view now, lining his knife as best as he could to the constantly moving skeletons nape before making his strike. The monster was very expressive to say the least.

“BEFORE I WAS SO _RUDELY_ INTERRUPTED” it gestured to Soldier who kept hitting the blue bones with his shovel. “I WAS ABOUT TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. MY NAME IS-”

“hey bud, it would be real _knife_ if you’d put that down.”

The skeleton turned around suddenly to see Spy, frozen in place, knife raised above his head. It looked down on him questionably.

“OH HELLO! I DIDN’T SEE YOU BEFORE! IT’S LIKE YOU WERE INVISIBLE! MY APOLOGIES! SANS! THESE ARE MY NEW FRIENDS!” The skeleton grabbed Spy's wrist causing him to drop the knife. It pulled him close to its chest and patted him on the shoulder, quickly turning him to face toward the one called “Sans”. It leaned down so its skull was over Spy’s shoulder and smiled.

“THIS IS… WHAT’S YOUR NAME?” It looked at Spy.

“Uuuuh-”

“THIS IS UH! AND THEIR FRIENDS” the skeleton gestures to the caged Mercs behind them.

“that's great papyrus. oh I didn't mean to _cut_ in but I wanted to be sure uh here wasn't gonna _slice_ into your fun.”

“SANS! UUGH! NO TERRIBLE PUNS IN FRONT OF MY NEW FRIENDS PLEASE YOU'RE GOING TO SCARE THEM AWAY!”

The short skeleton in a blue hoodie and basketball shorts, sans, shrugged and put his hands in his pockets.

“What can I say bro? I'm quite a punny guy.”

  


-~-

  


Trapped. By skeleton _brothers._ Wow this was not how they thought the night would end. They needed to contact Engineer. Maybe if they could set up the teleporter everyone could be out of there in a sinch. But how would they do that? Everyone was stuck in electrified blue-bone cages. The last thing they were gonna do was tell the skeletons who they were, that was for sure. If Merasmus learned the mercenaries he so much despised had been captured by his skeleton minions, he would make sure their asses were handed to them (possibly literally).

They needed a moment to strike or a moment to flee. Attacking didn't go well the first time so flee was more or less the better option. But how?

“undyne should be here shortly. the others are right behind her. wanna introduce me to your friends while we wait?”

The shorter of the two skeletons came closer. Really, he wasn’t that short. Compared to the other brother who towered over the Heavy at a height of maybe 7 feet, he looked about as tall as the Pyro, putting him at around 5’9”.

“i met uh already” Spy was dazed and confused as to how he didn't hear the smaller skeleton approach him from behind. There was no one coming down the path a few moments before he deactivated his cloak and no crunching or steps were heard. Papyrus had released his grasp on Spy’s wrist, but seemed to like having him close by for some reason. “who’s this?” sans pointed to Soldier whose hands were literally burning trying to punch the bones.

“THAT’S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS! NOW LET US OUT!” Soldier hit the bones again then attempted to gnaw at them, quickly realizing that was a mistake.

“woah woah woah easy now “none of your goddamn business”. that's a pretty long name I might add. you attacked my bro and he put you in here so nobody would have to get hurt you understand? i’d ask him to let you out if i knew you weren’t an immediate danger.”

“We’re hikers!” Sniper diverted the skeletons attention briefly. He was sweating bullets. What the fuck were they getting into?

“HIKERS? OH WELL ISN’T THAT NICE! WHERE ARE YOU HIKING FROM?” Papyrus asked,

“We’re from outta town. We went lookin’ for a kid that got lost ‘ere. Thought we’d take the scenic route.”

“a kid? you don’t happen to mean-”

“A LOST HUMAN CHILD! OH DEAR WE MUST FIND THEM!”

Immediately the bone cages were dropped. Scout and Medic grabbed Soldier before he could attempt anything stupid. Spy took this opportunity to rejoin his team and move away from Papyrus.

“OH I’M SO SORRY I’VE BEEN KEEPING YOU FROM YOUR IMPORTANT MISSION OH DEAR! I INSIST TO HELP YOU! I’M SURE MY OTHER FRIENDS WILL HELP TOO! UNDYNE IS REALLY GOOD AT HUMAN HUNTING!”

“NO-” Sniper caught himself too late. He coughed “I mean.. nah. It’s alright. We can do this on our own. ’m sure Merasmus will be expecting you two back soon anyways eh?”

Sans and Papyrus exchanged glances. “merasmus? who’s that?”

“Are you two not minions? I thought zat Merasmus had skeleton minions?” Scout and Medic were having difficulty restraining Soldier and swiftly passed him off to Heavy.

“NOPE! I DON’T KNOW THAT PERSON! YOU MUST BE THINKING OF OTHER SKELETONS! WHICH IS INTERESTING SINCE I THOUGHT THERE WERE NO MONSTERS ON THE SURFACE!”

Surface? Barrier? What the hell were these guys talking about?

 

Were these guys from underground?

 

Dead and buried in some graves? It would make sense kind of, but why would they just appear if it wasn't something to do with that magic old lady in rags? They had to report to the administrator ASAP.

“heh I guess there's lots of new things we'll have to learn. you were saying you were  lookin’ for a kid? ya know, we met one a while ago. i’m not sure if they're the one you're lookin’ for.”

“Where'd ya see ‘em? We’ll uh.. Go thata way if you tell us.” Scout swayed from side to side on the balls of his feet, bat in hand. The team was still on edge. They couldn’t really trust these guys. Hopefully they could get back to base before the sun was gone for the night.

“no no don’t go anywhere. they’ll be here soon.”

Not fishy at all...

 

Thump thump THUMP THUMP _THUMP THUMP_ **_THUMP_ **

 

“PAAAAAAAAAAAPYYYYYYYYRUUUUUUUUUUUUS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH”

 

SLAM! In a flash of blue and red Papyrus was on the ground with a spear at his neck.

“ALWAYS BE ON YOUR GUARD SOLDIER! WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO!”

Standing tall over the skeleton was a… muscular humanoid-fish? What????

 

NOW THAT’S FISHY!

 

Demo kept looking through the opening of his flask and back at the scene playing before him a few times before just downing what was left of his Scrumpy. He gauged there was no way he was sober. Soldier had stopped struggling with Heavy after this new monsters arrival. He seemed awestruck?

“Uh-UNDYNE! Wha-what are you d-doing!” A smaller yellow creature came trotting down the path out of breath.

“O-oh! Sans! How did you g-get here so f-fa…. ARE THOSE HU-HUMANS?” the yellow one ducked behind sans peeking over his shoulder.

“HUMANS!?” The fish monster “Undyne” flashed a glare over her shoulder. She had a mix of scales and skin over her being. One bright yellow right eye made contact with every pair of humans (minus soldier and pyro… she looked at their faces at least) and stopped to particularly stare at Demo.

“Huh.” She smirked. “Looks like we’ve got a fighter or two here.” Brushing the red hair covering her left eye she revealed an eyepatch. She stepped off of Papyrus and helped him up. Suddenly, Undyne posed and held her spear forward.

“AM I GOING TO BE EXPECTING A FIGHT? BECAUSE UNDYNE AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER BACK DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE!” Slamming the butt of her spear into the ground she scowled threateningly. Papyrus realized shortly after that he had been included in this little show and posed himself, materializing a long bone that greatly resembled a fencing sword. His cape flowed gloriously even without a blowing source of wind.

“Soldier was right. Was bone-sword.”

Heavy started to release his grip on Soldier while the Mercs began to withdraw their weapons again.

“N-N-N-No! Please! Humans! Undyne! W-we came here to m-make friends not fight! Sans! Tell them please!” sans shrugged, the yellow one shivering slightly behind him.

“Please please everyone. We’re all in good spear-its! We're sword-of on the same page here right?”

Papyrus and Undyne groaned, their weapons evaporating into the air.

“As much as we appreciate your ‘ospitality,” Spy interjected while typing something into his watch “we really must be on our way.”

“no no guys just hang on a sec. i guarantee we can help you. we know where this human is.”

“Yeah you’ve said you’ve seen him but you haven't given us any help! You’re gonna tell me or I WILL kick your boney ass!” Undyne was on guard. This human kept eyeing her under his visor and seemed to puff his chest out when he noticed she was looking.

 

“i don’t need to tell you. i can just show you.”

 

Sans turned slightly, pointing back down the path they came from. Two HUGE monsters were walking side by side towards them. One wore a long cape and had two long horns protruding from its head. Its long ears reached its shoulders.  A small crown was set between the horns and a full golden beard covered its face. The other wore a purple dress with some sort of symbol on the front. It had small horns and equally long ears. It was a bit smaller overall than the other but seemed to walk more confidently.

 

Holding the hand (paw?) of the smaller creature was a child. A human child.

  
  
  
Frisk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this cute Undertale TF2 SFM video by Pybun! NOT RELATED TO THIS STORY IN ANY WAY IT'S JUST CUTE! 
> 
> http://pybun.tumblr.com/post/135448822345/this-was-supposed-to-be-the-conclusion-of-this-vid


	5. Anyone Still Interested in This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been over a year since I updated this. I was in a bad spot at the time. I'm in college now actually, and though I'm busy, picking up this story might be good for a creative writing exercise.

I wrote this story over a year ago when I was still in high school. I reread it today expecting it to be totally cringe-worthy but it honestly wasn't as cringe as I convinced myself to be. It's still a bit embarrassing for me to write this I guess. Crossing Undertale and Team Fortress 2? And somehow setting up to make it work without a cliche rip between dimensions or "Everything is the same but Frisk is now Scout" thing? Yeah, alright.

I guess I took a lot of inspiration from MadJesters1 on Deviant Art. I love their art and I am absolutely in love with their TF2 Portal crossover comic LONG LOST (http://fav.me/d6xa6n2) It updates once in a blue moon at this point (much like this fanfic) but still a great read. I really love all their art in general it just makes me happy when I look at it. They did some Undertale art too and I was like "THAT's IT! THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT" and the rest was history. I'd love to write some Overwatch stuff too maybe but I'm trying to get back into the swing of it. 

If you're still interested lemme know I guess. 

Also, that Know-Your-Meme page... who published that???? It is still up a year later. This story is a meme somewhere?   
Cool I guess?


End file.
